Lost in Limbo

2 days ago I was taking out a breast drain when the patient told me that the ultrasonographist had just told her that she had liver metastasis. I was so stunned I couldn’t find the appropriate response. Later during the afternoon rounds my MO, Sahar, explained to her the details. She had breast cancer, with left mastectomy not even 2 days performed, and now the ultrasound findings confirmed that there is indeed liver metastasis. The lady is 31 years old, with 3 small children, and her whole life ahead of her. She was crying when she asked Sahar "Why me?"

Yesterday I saw her sitting at the lounge, watching Spanish soap with her relatives, laughing, talking, and playing with her children. If her mind was a million questions left unanswered, she did not show it. There I was, behind the counter, almost staring at her, thinking "How does she do it?"

How indeed. The lady is doing her best to live while knowing she may not live long enough to see her children grow up into adults, graduating, working, having families of their own. Advanced cancer with liver secondaries…statistically, 5-year survival rate is less than 50%. Chemotherapy that can be offered is only palliative.

"Why me?"

That 1 question will stay on in my mind, engraved as it is with her tear-filled eyes.

Not that fun being a doctor, eh?

     I know I can carry a tune and that’s about it; I don’t sing that well. But just look how idols reflect Malaysian taste. First Mawi won every single award, awards that others were more deserving, and just now Daniel became the 2nd Malaysian Idol. And guess who voted for them? Malaysians!

     Not that I’m going against my own countrypeople (being politically correct is no fun!), but look how artistic taste has degenerated! Come on people!

     Now then…speaking of artistic taste, I went to see (more of hearing, actually) Stomp! last night with Ida and Alfian. One word for it. Wow!

     Those 7 people on-stage were absolutely incredible. The way they commanded the audience’s attention, the precision of individual movements and sound generation that blended so well together…you have to be there to experience it. Well worth the RM150 I tell you.

Ahahaha…the staff nurses are up and about, busy with administering medications and whatnot, and I’m in front of the computer writing this! Well, I did just inserted a CBD and then took an ABG…(ignore that).

Anyway…Kasha and Faiz keep on updating their pictures! I’m stuck with the few that I have, and after choosing the more…decent and presentable ones…I’m left with almost nothing to work with. Well I do snap a lot of my siblings’ pictures, from whence they can choose from, and I’m a bit camera-shy, but the fact of the matter is, I’m the UGLIEST in my family! Even my cats are beautiful!

I’m babbling.

I did warn everyone (myself included) that I’m a lousy journal keeper. It’s been ages since I last committed myself long enough to write down strings of crap. Eheheheheh.

     Well, I just finished playing Dungeon Siege 2. Last Saturday I finished playing Fable: the lost chapters (fantastic game BTW. Unfortunately I got spooked when my character started to have wrinkles all over his beefed-up body. Kinda reminded me that age is catching up on me. I’m almost 24! Crap, that’s OLD!). - Hence the blogging after not writing for so long!

     I haven’t drawn an actual picture for months now! Sure karat gile. I also haven’t been writing. I did however study a bit on acute pancreatitis (for teaching session tomorrow). When I say a bit, I mean it. 15 minutes tops. Internet studying!

     Hmm…speaking of which, there were (and still are) a lot of things I’ve told myself I wanted to do once I start working, without the thought of exams looming on, casting a shadow over my every thought and activity (forgive the eloquence, I haven’t been writing far too long!). But now I have the chance to do so…I find reasons to put everything off to a later date (which eventually turns to an even later date - you get the picture).

     Okay. Enough crap for the night. Wanna go up, lie on my comfy bed, wrap the thick comforter around me, and try to finish reading an old novel of mine. Eheheh. On-bloody-call tomorrow!!!